Allure Part II
Last night I had the same dream as the one below except this time I was the mother and the daughter. And in this version, the women were not mother and daughter. The woman in front was me when I first met my newly EX-girlfriend, S. This woman was larger than life and resembled Wonder Woman, very powerful. The woman behind her was me when I was deeply entrenched in my relationship with S. She was smaller and sickly and in the process of dying. In this version of the dream, the man tightening the bondage was a woman and was S.
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At the beginning of my relationship with S, I dressed up in sexy outfits and enjoyed my power to seduce her. Over time, and particularly as I became depressed, I felt like I was losing power in the relationship (in general) and that I was beginning to lose myself. Outsiders liked S and considered it a generally nice relationship but I knew that I was crying and arguing and feeling controlled, similar to the history of my relationship with my father. This mirrors the image in the dream of a movie that appears entertaining to others but is actually disturbing. The Havurah as the audience makes me think of how S was focused on family and consequently made me more involved with my family, a connection to childhood that I limited more before I was with S. Generally the dream seems to be about my relationship with my father and how the experience with S. was a repetition of a pattern. The pattern is that I enjoy the power at the beginning but then realize that it comes at a price. Allure means the power of my own allure and how I express it as well as the allure of being in a relationship with someone controlling.
What are your thoughts on that? Oh, and mom, thanks for being my first comment!
Barb: well, maybe a therapist is a mother/dau rel. and a lover is a mother/dau rel., and maybe after the allure and seduction, the rel. is less appealing--the father stays exciting?
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